"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
These past couple weeks I continue to remember and read God's promises. It's the one thing that continues to remind me Who is in control.
I started thinking about some conversations I have. They go like this:
Friend: "so how's the adoption going ? Have you heard anything yet?"
me: "it's going, we are waiting" (At this point I contemplate, do I tell them the whole story about what an open case is, MOWA is and all the other things that have slowed our process down?)
Friend: "when are you going to get them"?
me: "I don't know"
Friend: "weren't you supposed to have them by now?
me: "yes, we didn't pass our two court dates and now it open and we are waiting for them to process our paperwork."
This is how it typically starts and it usually continues on with more details. Now don't get me wrong.....I so appreciate and am thankful that our friends, family and others care about our adoption. I want them to ask or be interested. (I can just imagine...the next couple weeks, no one asking me about the process for fear it is too hard for me) :)
The point I am getting at is this. Throughout the conversation it becomes very clear that I don't know a lot about what is happening and I don't have really any answers to their questions.
I started to realize that I don't know a lot about anything, such as:
* I don't know when our case will pass and when Jonathan and David will come home.
*What will the boys be like?
*Will they bond with us right away, or will it take awhile?
*What will our traveling be like?
*How will they respond to the girls? Or how will the girls respond to them?
*Will this process be difficult for the girls individually with all the changes?
*Will I have enough strength and stamina to care for 4 kiddos instead of two?
*How will our family identity look like? I know we will be changed forever and what will it look like?
As you can see from this, I was worrying. Yep, I admit it. Then I began to see that being in a place like this in our lives is, well, a good place to be. I can't rely on my own resources and abilities to make all the above come to fruition. It all belongs to God. He is the only one who can get us through this journey and continue to change us into His likeness. It reminds of the the verse that says, "for from Him, through Him, and to Him are all things. to Him be the glory forever. Amen" (Rom 11:36). This whole adoption process is been and is from God, everything that happens comes from our Sovereign God. So we rest in the promise that whenever our sons come home is in God's perfect time because all comes from Him. Through all this He will get the glory and all will be pointed back to Him. That is our heart's desire and prayer.
So it's ok not to understand fully or know our future, because we have someone more capable than us who is in control, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!!